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Friday frustration
Jul. 12th, 2002 09:45 amIt's amazing that I can simultaneously be looking forward to a girls' weekend out and still be feeling endlessly stymied by my life.
Some days I just don't want to get up.
I'm blocked again on my fic, with deadlines looming ever closer, and I want to tear out my hair with the aggravation of it all.
Losing the plot always pisses me off.
On the personal front, I got a call last night from an old boyfriend who wants to come and see me this weekend. I told him, rather impatiently, that I was *still* going to NYC for my girls' weekend out -- just like I'd told him on Tuesday when he called.
Long pause. Then, "Oh. You don't want to see me?"
THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID, YOU MORON!
God, no wonder we broke up.
I like to remain on friendly terms with my exes. If nothing else, you can usually count on them as emergency sex services. This guy, though, obviously hasn't changed in ten years, and probably isn't going to.
The thing is, he wants me to scrap all my plans to sit home and wait for him to show up. He usually doesn't arrive, though. If I'm lucky, I get a phone call saying that his kids are sick, or his wife changed her mind and won't let him off his leash.
Now he's copping a whiny, pathetic attitude with me because I won't cancel my weekend.
Fuck. You.
On principle, I refuse to argue about it with him. I'm not going to point out that if I rescheduled, he'd just cancel -- or else show up for just an hour, trying to get some. That puts me right back into the pattern of demanding girlfriend.
Been there, done that, ate the t-shirt.
Most maddening of all to me is how . . . nothing's changed!
Ten fucking years, and he's still trying to play the same lame-ass mind games as when I was eighteen and stupid.
Oops. Just did the math. That would be *fifteen* years.
Even worse.
And you know what?
The sex sucked back then, and two years ago when went ahead and I slept with him, the sex sucked that time, too. He was always selfish and inconsiderate. One of those guys who expects you to totally get off on servicing him, you know?
So why am I so aggravated?
Why can't I just shrug it off?
I don't know. And that, the not-knowing part, is just as maddening as everything else.
Some days I just don't want to get up.
I'm blocked again on my fic, with deadlines looming ever closer, and I want to tear out my hair with the aggravation of it all.
Losing the plot always pisses me off.
On the personal front, I got a call last night from an old boyfriend who wants to come and see me this weekend. I told him, rather impatiently, that I was *still* going to NYC for my girls' weekend out -- just like I'd told him on Tuesday when he called.
Long pause. Then, "Oh. You don't want to see me?"
THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID, YOU MORON!
God, no wonder we broke up.
I like to remain on friendly terms with my exes. If nothing else, you can usually count on them as emergency sex services. This guy, though, obviously hasn't changed in ten years, and probably isn't going to.
The thing is, he wants me to scrap all my plans to sit home and wait for him to show up. He usually doesn't arrive, though. If I'm lucky, I get a phone call saying that his kids are sick, or his wife changed her mind and won't let him off his leash.
Now he's copping a whiny, pathetic attitude with me because I won't cancel my weekend.
Fuck. You.
On principle, I refuse to argue about it with him. I'm not going to point out that if I rescheduled, he'd just cancel -- or else show up for just an hour, trying to get some. That puts me right back into the pattern of demanding girlfriend.
Been there, done that, ate the t-shirt.
Most maddening of all to me is how . . . nothing's changed!
Ten fucking years, and he's still trying to play the same lame-ass mind games as when I was eighteen and stupid.
Oops. Just did the math. That would be *fifteen* years.
Even worse.
And you know what?
The sex sucked back then, and two years ago when went ahead and I slept with him, the sex sucked that time, too. He was always selfish and inconsiderate. One of those guys who expects you to totally get off on servicing him, you know?
So why am I so aggravated?
Why can't I just shrug it off?
I don't know. And that, the not-knowing part, is just as maddening as everything else.
